Chapter One

Kala: Those had to have been the fastest credits I've ever seen...

Serena and Ami were slowly walking home after a long day at school.

Kari: And which day, exactly, is not a long day at prison-err-school?

"And what did you get for number twenty-seven?" Serena asked, referring to the test they had taken in math that day.

Victoria: Oh god. Oh god no! Don't tell me it's a dubbie fic!
Brekke: *wailing* Noooooooo!

"X equals four. Didn't you get that? We went over it yesterday at our study session," Ami replied, looking at Serena oddly.

Kala: Usagi could never understand what "x" was…
Trish: So what is this, an alternate reality, dubbie fic?
Brekke: *wailing* Nooooooo!

"Uh, yeah, of course! Just making sure I remembered it correctly!" Serena lied; she had actually just skipped over the question.

Kari: …and every other question…

Ami could tell she was lying, but just ignored it and asked, "What do you think you got?"

Victoria: *hopefully, her eyes wide* Maybe a ten this time…

"I didn't fail," Serena said hopefully.

Brekke: HAH.
Et al: *chokes*

At that moment they turned the corner into a little used alley they went through as a shortcut. They stopped short when they saw what was happening.

Trish: A pretty pretty floooower happened to be growing in the pretty pretty crack that cut through the middle of the pretty pretty aaaallley.
Kari: The bums that normally lived there were doing a Russian cancan.

A girl that had recently come to their school was being attacked by a monster. The monster was human like, except for it had a long lion tail, which it had wrapped around the girl's neck. It's hands were clawed, it had two wings which were pressed against it's back, it had black eyes, and it's whole body was covered with dingy gray fur.

Victoria: Mmm. Fur. *models off an imaginative fur coat*
Kari: Oh dear. Russian cancan bums seemed to have bought out the mafia…

Nobody had come to help for where they were, they were invisible to people passing by the alley even though the girl was screaming her head off.

Brekke: Invisible people…who can't hear!

"Oh no!" Ami exclaimed.

Kala: (Ami) I left the toaster oven on!

Serena sighed, but knew what she had to do,

Brekke: Run screaming…?

"Moon crystal power!"
She transformed and Ami was only a moment behind her. She began her speech,

Kari: I am Sailor Bob! In the name of cheese…cheese?! Did somebody say CHEESE?!

"I am Sailor Moon! And in the pl-,"

Trish: (Moon) …place of McDonald's, would you like fries with that?

She was cut off as the creature bounded over with the girl in tow and punched her in the stomach.

Everyone: *cheers*

The next thing she knew, the monster's tail had split and the new tail was lifting her up.

Trish: *singing in a very stoned voice* Up, up and awaaay in my beautiful, beautiful…balloon…balloon?

Mercury had jumped to the side and yelled,

Victoria: (Mercury) Go monster, it's your birthday! Not really! But anyway!

"Mercury bubbles…BLAST!"
The freezing bubbles filled the air and made it impossible to see. Yet the monster grabbed her and lifted her up with yet a third tail.
Mercury screamed…

Brekke: *snickering* Wimp.
Kari: (Mercury) DARN SOAP BUBBLES!
Kala: (Monster, with a British accent) They cloud my vision, and yet give me a distinctly fruity taste…

~*~
Victoria: *mysteriously* The dreaded…divider…

Rei, Lita, Mina, and the cats had already gathered at Rei's temple for their daily study session.

Brekke: *still snickering* Stoners…
Victoria: Must be if they're studying…quote unquote.
Kari: Must be Ami's doing…slipped a little something into their donuts…
Kala: Nah, I go for the theory of brainwashing.
Trish: Brainwashing? Poisoning? Sweet little, innocent, Ami?
Brekke: What? You mean you haven't heard of Ami's plot for world domination?

"Where have they gotten too?" Rei asked angrily, referring to the missing others.

Kari: Oh, the usual…
Victoria: Beating and being beaten up by bad guys…
Brekke: Desperately needing help as you sit there on your bums…

"Something's wrong. I doubt Ami would let Serena be late," Lita commented worriedly.

Trish: Unless Ami was stoning, too?

Just then, their communication devices started beeping.

Victoria: Pizza's here.

"Oh no, something must be wrong! They've transformed!" Mina exclaimed after looking at her's.

Kari: Naah. Why would they transform if something was wrong? How do you know they weren't just trying to get your pizza there faster by threatening the pizza delivery bum?
Kala: BUM!

Not too long before then, Ami had programmed into the devices a program, which would alert the others if one of them transformed. So far, they hadn't had a chance to test it.

Victoria: Derh derh.

"Where are they?" Rei asked Lita, the only scout other than Ami who had learned how to use the devices well.

Et al: *cringes*
Kala: I don't know about you, but I don't remember the last time Ami went door-to-door selling cookies…

"Over near the school. In the cut through alley," she replied after a moment's pause.

Brekke: Allies are dangerous, man. That's where all the cancan dancers live.
Kari: And that's where everyone gets attacked, man.
Kala: Don't forget the park! The park is the second most dangerous place to be!
Brekke: You didn't say man, man.

"Let's go then!" Lita exclaimed and led the others running out of the temple…

Kari: …down the street and in front of a garbage truck, which just happened to be speeding down a steep hill…
~*~
Victoria: *screams* Not another one!!!

The monster threw the still screaming girl down to the concrete while it held the two scouts up high.

Trish: *still stoned voice* Up, up and awaaay, in my beaut-
Brekke: *stuffs a sock in Trish's mouth*

It reached one of its clawed hands into her chest somehow and withdrew a white half circle crystal.
The girl's eyes dimmed and she stopped moving. Mercury and Moon realized that she had stopped breathing as well.

Victoria: (Moon) Yay! That means we can go home now, right? Right? Right?!

The creature seemed to smile, as it examined the crystal carefully.
"Master will be happy," it murmured.

Kari: (aghast) But-but…monsters aren't supposed to speak! They just make nonsense noises!
Brekke: And they never-ever care if their Masters are happy, 'cause they're gonna die anyway…
Kala: *singsong* Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die for your maaaaster!
Trish: *takes out sock and stuffs it in Kala's mouth*

"I am Sailor Mars!" Mars cried and made the creature look to the group who had assembled before it.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter!"
"And I'm Sailor Venus!"

Brekke: No, I'm Sailor Venus!
Victoria: What're you smoking?! I'm Sailor Venus!
Brekke: NO! I am!
Victoria: I am!
Brekke: I am! You aren't!
Victoria: NO! I AM!
Brekke: I AM!
Kala: *secretly steals Brekke's box of popcorn*
Victoria: I AM!
Kala: *gives box back to Brekke, looking mysterious*
Brekke: I AM!
Kari: SHUT UP!
Brekke: *shuts up and eats her popcorn*

The monster grinned, showing rows of

Trish: Platypuses!

very sharp teeth, and leaped at them. They leapt out of its way, but the tail split again and again. Soon they were all up in the air with Sailor Moon and Mercury.

Trish: *about to burst out into song, but suddenly finds herself unconscious*
Kari: *whistles innocently as she hides her frying pan*

Artemis, who had come with them and Luna, hissed and jumped at the creature's face. Luna just stared at the crystal clutched in its hand, trying to connect something.
Then it clicked in her head, "The other half!" She mumbled.
She did a little Luna twirl (as she had done to give the Sailor's their transformation sticks)

Victoria: So that's a Luna Twirl!
Brekke: *becoming giddy* I thought it was caaandy!

and a glaring white half circle crystal

Kari: It glares.
Kala: For a limited time only, you can get this wonderful crystal that glares right back at you!
Victoria: Mommy! My crystal is giving me the evil eye!
Brekke: *drools slightly*

appeared. The exact match to the one the monster held.

Victoria: *sarcastically* Woah. What are the chances of that?

As the monster grew yet another tail to capture Artemis, Luna ran to the still girl with the other crystal in her month.

Kala: (Luna) Gag!
Kari: Alright. Was that just me or did that say "month?"
Brekke: *drooling and giddy* Month…moooonth…*giggles*

When she placed the other crystal on the girl and watched as it sank into her chest, she said to herself, "I knew that would come in handy someday!"

Victoria: Handy?! She doesn't HAVE hands!!
Kala: (Luna) I always hated that doorstop…all it did was glare…

Her eyes regained their glimmer and widened in astonishment. She sat up and looked around, trying to figure out where she was.
"What's going on?"

Kari: You are simply hallucinating. When you wake up, you will be a dog!
Trish: *claps* You are now a dog!
Kala: (Girl) Woof! Woof!

Luna wasted no time in going through her mind meld (the very one she used to revive the scouts after the defeat of Queen Beryl).

Brekke: *drools on Kari* Colonel Sanders…

The scouts at the moment were in deep trouble, slowly being squeezed to death as the monster swung them around and banged them into each other.

Trish: (a randome scout) 'Eh! Watch where you're being swung!

Artemis was unconscious in a trash bin nearby.

Everyone: *cheers*

Luna was soon done since she couldn't give back all of the girl's memories at the moment. Just enough so that she would know who she was.

Kari: (girl) I am Bob!

"Transform!" Luna shouted and began to attack the monster to divert its attention.

Brekke: Divert…the trumpets…please…*drools*
Kari: *gets up and moves several seats down from Brekke*

"Platos star power!" The shoulder-length blonde-haired girl cried.

Trish: I was that stupid girl?!
Victoria: Figures.

She transformed into Sailor Platos, dressed in the standard sailor uniform, only it was completely white.

Brekke: Know what? *drooling* If Platey wears white…and it rained…
Trish: PERVERT!

Platos turned toward the monster.
"I am Sailor Platos! Keeper of the First Dimension!" She cried.

Kala: First dimension…that would be width, right?
Kari: No, length.
Kala: No, width!
Kari: LENGTH!
Kala: Width!
Kari: Length!
Kala: Width!
Kari: Length!
Kala: Width!
Brekke: Height!
Kala and Kari: What?!
Victoria: That's the third dimension, baka!

The monster turned and as it did, Platos yelled again, "Fire and wind, ashes and air," she closed her eyes as white magic swarmed toward her high held hand, "Fire cyclone!"
A cyclone shaped

Kala: *bored* As the name implies…

column of fire roared from her hand toward the monster. Its tails disintegrated as it screeched horribly.
The sailor scouts fell to the ground

Brekke: *overly happy* THUD! Hehe! THUD, THUD!

and watched (somewhat painfully, due to their singed skin)

Victoria: *valley girl voice* I don't know 'bout you, but I'd be complaining!

as the monster was turned to ashes and swept away by the wind.
Platos collapsed, exhausted after her first battle since the destruction of the moon kingdom. She also did not have her full power, and performing her most deadly attack was extremely draining.

Kari: Deadly?! That?!
Kala: Couldn't hurt a flea…
Trish: *kicks both of them*

The scouts ran to her. Mercury supported her head as the others bombarded her with questions.
"Who are you?" Mars asked first.

Kari: (Girl) Queen of the Penguins.
Trish: (Girl) Future world dictator.
Victoria: *deep voiced* Your father.

"Where did you come from?" Moon wondered.

Victoria: (Girl) The moon. Like ya'll's. Duh?
Kari: (Girl) THE WORLD OF THE PENGUINS!!!
Kala: *giving Kari a strange look* (Girl) The mother/fatherland.
Trish: Whaaat?!
Kala: *adopting a Russian accent* Back in the motherland, we called it the fatherland. It sounded more masculine that way.
Kari, Trish, and Victoria: *scoot away several seats*
Brekke: Porcupine! HEHE!

"Why haven't we heard of you before?" Venus questioned.

Kala: (Girl) Because I am from the mother/fatherland, where we erase your memories for a low price of two donuts!

Jupiter was about to ask a question as well when they were all interrupted by the sound of someone walking toward them with boots.

Brekke: Boots! HEHE! Boats! HEHE! Boo-
Trish: *stuffs a stuffed polar bear in Brekke's mouth*

They all turned at once and saw a tall man with red hair pick up the half crystal the monster had dropped when it had disintegrated. He smiled and disappeared with the crystal.

Victoria: Or so they thought he disappeared.
Kari: But they were all tripping on acid at the time, so who bloody knows?

"Who was he?" Moon wondered as Mercury exclaimed, "He took the crystal!"

Victoria: Derh, derh.

"What does he want with that crystal?" Artemis wondered suspiciously.
Kala: To learn how to wonder suspiciously, so he can move away from asking suspiciously.
Brekke: Totem poles! HEHE!
Kari: *sniffing Brekke's empty popcorn box* Alright, who spiked Brekke's popcorn?

~*~
Victoria: *wailing* Noooo! Not again! Not again! The demonic divider!

Later, everyone, including Sailor Platos, had gathered in Rei's temple. They were all back to their normal selves, including Platos.

Trish: Oh. Really. So she isn't a complete blonde?!
Kari: Like you aren't?
Brekke: HEHE! Spatula. HEHE!

They had questioned her for a bit and learned that she had moved to Tokyo from America. She had come with ten other students who were to live there for two years, learning the culture. Her name was Trish.
And no, she had not known she was a sailor scout before then.

Victoria: Derh derh.
Kari: Will you stop that?!

"Anything weird ever happen to you?" Serena asked.

Kari: (Girl) Well, no, really, unless you count when I was abducted by aliens…
Victoria: (Girl)…and had my brains sucked out…
Kala: Which would explain a few things…
Trish: HEY!

"Well, now that I think of it, yes," Trish replied thoughtfully. "A mockingbird always seems to follow me around. At least until I told it to go away one day."

Trish: (Girl) I'd also like to mention that I am allergic to birds.
Victoria: (Girl) I was so ugly, that the bird thought I was a worm.
Trish: *attempts to kick Victoria*

"A mockingbird?" Luna asked.

Brekke: Mock! Mock! HEHE!
Kari: *deadpan* No, a smock.

Everyone looked at Luna except for Trish, knowing full well that Luna had something on her mind.

Trish: (Luna, singing) When I woke up this morning, something was on my miiiiiind, and, something was on my miiiiind…

"Go on, Luna," Ami said at last.

Kari: Yes, Luna, spit it out.
Victoria: But not on the carpet!

"The mockingbird is a symbol of the four dimensions. But usually, he only follows time.

Kala: We all know that nobody else follows time. They just dilly-dally around, going through time, back in time, to the future…

Though, he shouldn't be here, for Sailor Time

Trish: (Chibi-Usa) PUU!

is trapped off on the other side of the galaxy. Nobody has seen her since she left hundreds of years ago to seek inner peace. She reported that she had been attacked and was trapped. She's still alive, for otherwise the universe would be in chaos."

Victoria: And we're implying that it…isn't?
Brekke: MAYHEM! Hehe! MAYHEM!

Nobody grasped what Luna meant by this and went on with their interrogation of Trish.

Kari: (Luna) Where were you on the night of March the 8th, 1965??
Trish: (Girl) I wasn't alive then!
Kari: (Luna) LIAR!
Kala: (Artemis) I say we leave her in here, underneath the flickering fluorescent lighting until she decides to cooperate!
Trish: (Girl) NOOOOOOO!

Kari: ...is that it...?
Kala: Wow...that was infinitely stupid.
Victoria: ...and pointless.
Trish: Heey...what's that say? "Chapter Two?"
Kari: NO! NO! SPAAARE MEEEE!
Brekke: HEHE! Mayhem! HEHE!

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